I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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