no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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