why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
