Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
