He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
