I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
