I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize