just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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