he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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