im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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