why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
babies were throwing up all over the place
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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