this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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