True but thats because hes a fetus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
