So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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