What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
a search helicopter?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
