Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
