Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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