My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
