My hand turned me down
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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