Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
