New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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