Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
