you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
