I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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