i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
