pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
