good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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