then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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