i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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