That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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