Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
