i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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