i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
