So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
