Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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