if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
