You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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