Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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