So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think i have two assholes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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