Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
