you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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