I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
