I want to walk on stilts...naked
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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