it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
