Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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