At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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