He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
