please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
