And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
