guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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