watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
