My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
