My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
