my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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