I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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