if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
