and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
