why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize