So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
