guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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