Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
