just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
