I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
as a side note pls kill me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
