i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
