i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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