You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
