i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
